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Recognising When You're Stuck
It’s important to recognise when we are stuck because the energy of the new millennium and especially post 2012 is relentlessly pushing us to evolve faster and faster. So much so, that standing still is really going backwards. ........ read more

Fear's Insidious Control
If you think that your life isn't ruled by fear then think again......... read more

Creativity - a way into and out of yourself
The desire to create is in all of us and self-expression is fundamental to who we are........ read more

A Personal Experience - Being Shown Reality
Personal experience moves us forward so much more than being told or reading something. It becomes a sense of knowing that can never be taken way. Here’s one I had......... read more

VIDEO - Russell Brand is Awake
These are clips from many of the recent interviews with Russell Brand showing how he has awakened to a lot of the truths of the world. His passion is clear for all to see. .. .......watch video.

VIDEO - Jim Carrey's Secret of Life - Inspiring message
As the title suggests, an inspiring message and adds to my article about fear and how it can direct our lives if we don’t recognise our true self. . .......watch video.



Beginning to Turn Things Around

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When we look at ourselves we can see our false identities and how they run our lives. With insight and time we can discover whether we are controllers, victims, pleasers, rescuers, perfectionists or any number of different identities. And when we do, it is natural to feel disappointed with what we find, or even shocked, but it is better to know and face this stuff. It can’t be changed until it is put in the light so we deserve great credit for having the wisdom and courage to look at ourselves.

“Doing”, “achieving” and getting” are what these identities live for. We develop these false selves because of our misguided perception that we are in some way not enough just as we are. When striving for spirituality a great potential trap looms large because of these identities. One of our false selves takes over and so our spiritual unfoldment becomes a goal to accomplish instead of a natural occurrence. That’s OK to a degree; but when our self-worth is hanging on it then it becomes a problem.

If our progress isn’t what we would like or as fast as someone else’s then we can end up feeling bad, a failure, or not good enough. This means we are attached to our progress and need success in order to feel OK about ourselves. This means one of our false identities is active and we are staying in falseness.

It is essential that we all relax into our own individual process and not measure ourselves against others or against our own arbitrary, and often unrealistic, expectations. Unless we do this we are simply spinning in a circle going nowhere. Accept what is and your progress (or otherwise) as being just right for you at the moment. If you push against resistance you are still resisting.

Remember, the objective is not to become worthwhile, because you are already completely worthwhile. Many of our identities are about getting approval from others and we need to get beyond this need for external validation.

A new lifelong philosophy needs to be put in place piece by piece. There is often much less resistance to gradual evolutionary change than revolution done all at once. We can integrate changes one by one and learn how to feel comfortable with where we are at any given time and so it is much less threatening to the mind.

Being Kind to Ourselves is Essential

Remember the classic phrase “My constant thoughts become my reality” Understanding the messages you send to yourself is an essential foundational part of realising the secret of you over time.

Negative self-talk:

Most of us treat ourselves more harshly than how we treat others. We have special rules for ourselves. Over time, these special rules absolutely have to go, no exceptions, no excuses. This will not be easy and may take many months for some. You will find that you think you’ve mastered it and then life will test you to see if you have. This is the start of a new way of approaching how you handle yourself. You will get it wrong or forget and because of this you may give yourself a hard time but ironically this gives you another opportunity to practise forgiving yourself!

Every single person who claims that they are worthless, useless etc will find that when they honestly scrutinise their lives there will be dozens of things they do well, can feel proud of but dismiss. This is partially because their belief systems tune their minds to see evidence of inadequacy and delete or ignore the good stuff. They will be quick to think “see I knew I was useless”. They do this habitually and so automatically that they don’t even realise they do it. It is an unchallenged automatic assumption and the energy from this belief system creates experiences that show it to be true (“My constant thoughts become my reality”)

As I said earlier, many of our identities that keep us from our true selves are designed to get praise and validation from others. By maintaining these identities we hand our power to other people and are left feeling vulnerable to their judgements.  Once we practise being kind to ourselves enough then eventually it will become automatic. Then instead of getting the message that we are OK from outside situations or people, we are able to give that message to ourselves.

The purpose of these identities is often to mask our wounds. They can also be based on self-hatred. This is why we must be kind to ourselves if we are to break free from our false selves. It cannot be done by bullying ourselves or by force of will as this continues the cycle of self-hatred and reinforces the very thing we are trying to break free from. So we start with self-love and appreciation and meet our needs in a new self-supporting way as well as having taken our power back from others. This makes releasing our identities substantially easier later. It is sending a message to ourselves that the invalidation from within stops now. It is saying that “yes, I was wounded. But that wound has stopped happening and the only person that is wounding me now is me”. Our self-esteem and confidence will also increase even if it is ever so slowly at first.

Start with basic self-kindness in easy to apply situations. Do as many or as few of what is listed below as you are ready to do but do at least one, and do it often every day. I have found that saying things out loud seems more effective than done mentally.  Practise being kind to yourself whenever you can remember. Not just when you might be hard on yourself but times where you may take what you do for granted.

Please do not make the mistake of thinking that something so seemingly simple (it isn’t by the way) can’t have any significant effect. Adopting a policy of unconditional love and support for yourself is powerful and absolutely life changing over time. It will affect your everyday life, happiness, stress levels and health and your spiritual growth.

Doing this can sometimes make you feel emotional but this a fantastic opportunity for healing. You can just sit with the feelings and allow yourself to feel or grieve but do so with as much awareness and understanding for yourself as you can muster at the time. See it as a release and realisation that the wounded part of you has come home at last. That this is what you have been running from and what has been keeping you stuck. Welcome it, hug it and love yourself for having the courage to be with it.


© Phil Grant unless otherwise attributed